Your Priorities Want You Dead

Prioritizing yourself is the dream of dreams these days. The peer pressure of the women's wellness crowd. And I see the point, I just don't like how it's done.

There you are having achieved a moment of peace: The laundry monster is tamed, the dishes smell mostly okay, the kids are safe wherever they are, maybe dinner's 25% done, and now it's time to do something we're going to call "for yourself." 

A pedicure. A manicure. A haircut. A massage. Drinks, coffee, drinks, coffee.

Great. But do you really want to?

Is this the right thing today, is this your version of happiness?

Some of us feel refueled by forays into pampering while some of us panic internally the whole time. Wishing we were back in bed or tackling that pile by the front door. We go through the motions of self-care but we're following someone else's guidelines for happiness and we'd be better suited learning who we are and what we really want.

You're overwhelmed, tired, under stress. And finding out that guess what, in order to be a good person, you're supposed to be getting highlights right now is counterproductive.

For an introvert, self-care means the quieter moments of a person's life. Not just enjoyment and engagement but peace. Maybe with a book or maybe just with a view. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that pedicures leave me feeling empty and that when I'm done I feel like I'm back in the batting cage.

I'm tired of the message that when you're behind you're not enough, and when you're ahead you should celebrate by making an appointment. The addiction to stress and compromise needs to end; this paradigm doesn't work anymore. From now on every moment gets its own support team, and that means some questions. Is this what I want? Is this who I am? Is this my truth?

The answers don't have to be easy or thorough. They can be rudimentary and leave you feeling confused (Why don't I like pedicures??). But they're your training wheels for the next phase, the template of what it means to be you, to BE in your life. So ask the questions. You never know, you might answer.

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Maggie Frank